Saturday, February 18, 2012

selecting a wedding party

i had a bitch of a time picking my wedding party.  i had this feeling that i needed to pick the BEST POSSIBLE PEOPLE for the job, people i had known a long time (which is very few), people i thought were just exactly the 'right' people from my life (whatever that means).  i've since realized that that was silly and misguided.  i totally changed my attitude about it and just expanded to include a lot of the people closest to me - 6 on my side, 5 on the fiance's.  almost all of these people are my closest friends, including his side.

one person may be removed from my side eventually.  it's an uncomfortable situation.  we had sort of been drifting apart when i got engaged, but i still considered her one of my closest friends.  in the 6 intervening months, i've made serious efforts to see her and talk to her, but i haven't seen much in return, and although it's great when we see each other, i'm not sure i can rely on her to be a bm.  then again, i love her, even if we're no longer as close as i'd like, and the last thing i want to do is make her feel like shit by taking her out of the wedding party.  it's also a very...political decision.  and i hate personal politics.

the fiance recently decided to remove a groomsman because he expressed some bigoted thoughts on facebook.  i think it was the right choice.  my bm doesn't share any offensive opinions like the groomsman did.  really, she's great.  she just hasn't been a good friend to me for about the past year (we've been friends for about 3).  is that enough?  since we've never really fought or spent time apart like this before, it feels like a permanent separation.  telling her she's out would definitely be a 'permanent' move though, and a harsh one.

i've been thinking about it a lot lately.  i would love your thoughts!

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